not news: britney spears buys coffee and reads a book

When you open a post on Britney Spears with the following sentence:

Britney Spears went for her usual Starbucks run (every hour on the hour) and of course was swarmed by the paparazzi.

You should immediately say to yourself, "This is not news. Why am I posting this? She does this every day. And it's boring."

And the answer to yourself would be, "You're right. I am not going to post this. Just because I have photos doesn't mean I need to use them."

Unless, of course, you are really Superficial.

don't call it a cuntback

Britney's vagina reminds celebrity blogs of better days.

Exhibits A, B, C, and D.

From our new book How to Use Britney's Cunt for Attention and Profit.

not news: britney buys jelly beans

While we know that some days it's hard to find interesting and worthwhile news to write about, wouldn't it be better to simply say nothing than to publish something that is mundane and pointless? Perhaps on days when the news is slow, it would be a better course of action to just wait out the cycle a little bit longer, hmm? Otherwise we end up with 256 words of fluff for a post that could have been summed up like this:

...here's Brit yesterday buying jelly beans at a mobile phone store and then later spilling her Frappuccino all over herself.

A post about Britney Spears buying jelly beans? Really? How would we have ever lived without this riveting piece of information?

Shame on you Dlisted. Your readers deserve better.