not news: britney spears buys coffee and reads a book

When you open a post on Britney Spears with the following sentence:

Britney Spears went for her usual Starbucks run (every hour on the hour) and of course was swarmed by the paparazzi.

You should immediately say to yourself, "This is not news. Why am I posting this? She does this every day. And it's boring."

And the answer to yourself would be, "You're right. I am not going to post this. Just because I have photos doesn't mean I need to use them."

Unless, of course, you are really Superficial.

the absurdist punchline

What's the most overdone cliche in celebrity blogtown? A picture post with nothing? Or a picture of a celebrity with a gossip item contrasted with an absurd punchline about having A) Met, B) Had sex with, or C) Seen them doing something that has nothing to do with the story, i.e. punching panda bears or putting on diapers and asking for forgiveness from Mayor McCheese.

It's a coin flip. But good thing the Absurdist Punchline never gets old.

In a story about Michelle Rodriguez's pending jail sentence for a DUI, The Superficial says:

So I met Michelle at a bar and when I failed to chug a bottle of rum in 30 seconds she threw a barstool at my nuts and questioned my sexuality. Is it wrong to be turned on by that?

Did she really do that, Superficial? Did she?